119 days and still counting.

Hi Friends,
Posting for accountability. I don’t post as often as I probably should. While I am completely committed to being and staying sober, I am guilty of isolating at times. I know it’s not healthy, but sometimes it just feels right, in a very wrong way. I had a challenging day yesterday. Caught me completely off guard. I’m at 119 days, and yesterday was the first time since I quit (again), that I allowed myself to think about the drink. All this time, I’ve been very good about pushing those thoughts aside when they come up, but yesterday was different. I allowed myself to think about it and even romance it. This is the stuff that relapses are born from. That much I do know from my many, many relapses. So, here I am, acknowledging it, and owning it. If I do not, it will fester and become an unmanageable thought that will turn into a reality. One that I cannot and will not allow to take over my life again. Hard days will come, and they will go. I remind myself that they are temporary, and this too shall pass. 119 days, and still counting.