Second guessing…

I’m a second guesser, I always have been. It usually sounds something like this; “Did I say something wrong and that’s why he/she hasn’t responded?” Or, “If only I had done that differently, she/he would like or approve of me.” Then there are self defeating thoughts, “I’m so fat, ugly and unloveable.” Or ” I’m so stupid, why can’t I be smart like everyone else?” And that brings me to the dreadful comparisons, “I wish I had her life, mine sucks!” Or, “If only I were as thin and pretty as her.”  Ugh! It’s maddening! I nauseate myself just reading those thoughts on the screen! Imagine what must be going on inside of me when I constantly barrage myself with toxic thoughts like that? This type of thinking comes from extreme low self esteem, which was bred from an abusive and neglectful childhood. Which you guessed it folks, creates a fully function, co-dependent, broken-souled, mis-fit of a person! Yah, I know, boo-hoo, poor me, and all that BS. Seriously, I am past all that sh_t. I know what it is and why it happens, but I am still left to deal with the repercussions, and believe me, I deal with it everyday. Low self-esteem, shattered self-worth, down on myself, call it what you like, but the bottom line is when we are dealing with addiction and trying to recover, these toxic thoughts (whether conscious or unconscious) set us up for failure over and over again and again. It is our job to fix this. Thoughts are things, and they create our reality. It really is as simple as that. Right? If it’s that simple then why is it so difficult to change our reality? I consciously work on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones all of the time, but the negative voices still come. How do we make a permanent change so that positive thoughts come to us automatically? Now this, my friends is not so simple at all. It takes work and lots of practice, a life-long practice. I do not believe that there is a cure for this malady of the mind. It is something that we must be aware of (sometimes, painfully so) everyday. We must make a conscious effort to be good to ourselves, whether it be with our words, food, with our bodies, but especially our sense of self, because trust me my friends, if you’ll do it to yourself, then yes, someone else will do it to you too! We teach people how to treat us. That is a fact.

I don’t have the all answers (although, I certainly like to think I do 😀 ) as my life is one big, long, continual learning lesson. So, I’d love to hear your thoughts about healing ourselves emotionally in order to create the life we desire and deserve.